The "BIBLE" vs the "BIBBLE"

The bible is an OLD book written by OLD cunts - for boring OLD fuckers. It has no pictures, swearing, carnage, satanism or pornography; which in my mind are the 5 crucial ingredients for any good read.

For this reason the "Book of Fools" has been written and colourfully updated; the newly released "Bibble" has caused some rage where "DISCERNED" members of the existing congregation are concerned, however - all over the UK actions have been taken to counteract this sway of "old school bible bashing brain washed bastards"; 1,000 tonnes of holy water has been contaminated with AJAX, KETAMINE, ANTHRAX, DEVILSPUNK and E-COLI. - Over the next couple of days we should see a major decline in living priests and vicars due to the blood in their veins drying out, making their eyes bleed before popping out of their skulls and even instantaneous cardiac arrest.

With their positions becoming vacant we will be able to plant drug addicted, sex crazed freaks and geeks as priests, vicars, cardinals and other religious crustaceans all over the UK; who can then start dealing drugs during church service (where we will praise the Afghans & Rastas for their skills in preparing THC based confectionary).

Drug taking will be made mandatory - people who don't bring drugs to church will be classed as "Skanks" and "Free Loaders" - these will be given any shit gear we have laying around the place to get them addicted - after addiction they shall be made into sex slaves for church ministers.

Sex will be encouraged during mass, "Hand Jobs", "Rimming", "8-balling", "Spit-Roasting", "Voyeurism", "Total-Leather Embalming", "Scat Baptisms" and

The Church will be enlisting applications for the following positions in next weeks "Church Goers Weekly", where doleys are invited to get work. Last week a reformed x-gang member crack head became Womanchesters first "Candidate for Madness" and this week we are looking for "Resident Puritans" - who will be employed to purify the pure; in effect a double cancellation - where one right wipes out another right - making a wrong.

Drugs and Enlightenment

It has been decided by the Pope that ALL drugs should be lethalised and made legal - but only for holy people who possess a fascination with self absorption and euphoric nonsense.

The Lethalisation process will consist of melding radio-active elements with common everyday THC to intensify the experience of being stoned and to elevate the notion of spiritual ascension.

"Praying to Jesus whilst tripping on acid is the in-thing at the moment" a representative for "The Church of Latter Day Twats" at an illegal rave held in Bumchester, on the outskirts of Semeningham. "For years we have been tripping our bollocks off, focusing our minds of the fabled "Bibble" (a modern day translation of the "Bible".

The "Bibble" teaches us that in order to be at one with God we must be a) stoned as Jim Morrison b) as mentally imbalanced as Syd Barrett and c) as bent as George Michael.

"People nowadays are still generally just as susceptible to the readings of God as they were when all the fuckers were getting slain in the Christian Crusades, but when metal heads, pill popping Psy-trancers and other religious sectors come into the equation we would have a bloodbath of disagreement all over again - so for this reason every new church members will receive free "Deicide" albums and "Metal Hammer" subscriptions" concluded the boring prick wearing a gown with pupils more dilated than Jimi Hendrix.

At this point our interview ended as a massive fight broke out, killing our cameraman, murdering all the God loving, E dealing preachers - I was lucky to escape. - Maybe it was my destiny to not be killed so I can share this bollock-laden hypothetical pig shit, but in all sincerity I very much fucking well doubt that.

Eat it, Shear it - but don't fuck it....!

This week 3 more vicars have been crucified by the media. Father Fallacious, Brother Bollocksout and Cardinal Cumminface were all condemned for having sex with sheep during a week long, farm yard based orgy. Other charges include being “Pilled up”, “Being Pissed as Cunts”, “using offensive language” and “Wearing stupid clothing that made them appear to be cross dressers”

The confounded vicars all said they had been misperceived and that any follower of Jesus was a bonus, even if the follower had 4 legs and knew FUCK ALL about language – or praying or churches.

“We believe God is everywhere, in every species – apart from Sheep and Cows – therefore it is our job as vicars to “Shoot the Words” of our Lord right up the furry bottoms of these dumb fucking creatures.”

One of the imprisoned vicars retorted as he was violently kicked in the head by a toe-tector wearing Slayer fan. The Slayer fan battered the fuck out of cardinal Cumminface after the Cardinal had tried to get the metal head to attend Sunday service by means of persuading him with allowing the contents of his roundtables to be distributed at jet speed into the back of his throat.

The slayer fan got the only orgasmic rush he needed from his metal and didn’t fancy his todger being sucked by some old cunt in a gown (who had probably had more cocks that I have had spliffs..>!

Any true metal head knows that attending a church is the BIGGEST SIN going, and with this in mind the retalitatory tactics dished out was within parameters of the law.

...More to follow – just as soon as next tea break arrives.

THE VICARAGE NEWS - 14th May 2010

Construction Upgrades

We been doing some retro-fitting down at the Vicarage lately; which basically means we have been looking for old things to stick up our arses. Old Brother SoorButt has the record number of simultaneous rectal insertions and it is looking likely he will be winning this year’s trophy for the “Slackest Arse Award” – his winning was caused by the insertion of 4 wooden table legs, 2 forks, 8 marbles, a mini-version New Testament, 2 candles, half a cucumber and two Granny Smith’s apples.

Unfortunately the poor bastard was unable to take a dump and has since died and been stuffed with preservation fluids (which is spunk mixed with Bostik and a few drops of Vanilla essence). His body will be coated in varnish and knob-sweat (i.e. under nut-sack juice) in an attempt to preserve him long enough to be the retentive vicarage fuck-whore (formerly known as Jesus Christ).

Necro-priestiacs

Previous attempts to cryogenically suspend the livelihood of priests have failed miserably. Priest and vicars as young as 19 years old are frozen solid so they may be able to live well into the future. Ailments such as cocks snapping off and brains oozing pus prior to final freezing have caused some concerns; but none to worry your pretty little heads about. – You do not need to worry as Jesus Christ is paid to do that.

Robbery

More and more graves are being dug up so we are able to pay for the upkeep of the vicarage along with our £1,000 a month, out of control drug addiction habits. If anyone knows where any wealth people are buried please let one of the vicars know so we can then dig the fuckers up at midnight, have our wicked way with them – do a bit of munting then steal anything worth a Bob or two. - Also if you have any living, close to death friends or relatives you want disposing off give us a bell and for £300 we will massacre and murder basically anyone (with an extra £50 payable if you want you can have a memento [such as a tooth, bollock or nipple]).

This weeks competition - WIN A PET PRIEST

Through the latest robotic innovations, AI (artificial intelligence) and a handful of sex-crazed Japanese software programming we have invented the world first 100% devoted Priest. This wonderful invention will have your cock sucked dry quicker than you can say “A-men”, other features include “Dish Breaking”, “Prayer Recitals”, “Window Cleaning, “Steeple Analysis and Repair Functions” – it can even programmed to mutilate Satanists and other forces who oppose the great Lord Jessus “Goddam, Bollock Sucking, Whore Fucking, Cunt Christ.

WATCH OUT NEXT WEEK – WE ARE GIVING AWAY FREE PRAYERS FOR EVERY SUBSCRIBER – SUBSCRIPTION COSTS THE EARTH AND ANY NON-SUBSCRIBERS WILL PERISH IN THE FIRES OF HELL

ALL IS QUIET AT THE VICARAGE (THE CALM BEFORE THE STORM)

The Daily Male

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Headlines:-

VICARAGE ATTENDANCE IS ON THE INCREASE

REPENTANCE IS AT AN ALL TIME HIGH

EMPLOYMENT OPPORTUNITIES 5% UP

Mixed Sacks

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This week we have had a mixed bag of events. We have had an unusually large influx of ordinary people wanting to join our Vicarage. In the last 5 minutes alone I have enrolled 2 new Trainee Vicars; I doubt they will live beyond tomorrow morning as unbeknown to them I plan to crucify them tonight in their sleep before slicing their bodies up to be stored in my underground meat vault - along with half the population of the town.

I do not like committing such crimes, but these people came to me for repentance - as they had sinned - these re-offenders piss me right off - Each week they confess, then the week after they are back confessing to the same sin - they had may as well save me some energy and only bother repenting once a year, instead of once a fucking week.

One woman begged for my forgiveness as she hadn't done the washing up all week - I suggested she bend over and hoist the back of her skirt up if she wanted to be forgiven. - Five minutes later I was satisfied and so was she, the poor lass could hardly walk after I had given her minge a fucking good knob-thrashing. - Each week this happens, which is good for me :)

Although when an elderly man came up to me and confessed to watching pornographic movies on Television X naturally I had to make an example of him. First I cut his head off, then peeled his face like a banana - after which I doused the old cunt in petrol and set alight to him. Toasted a couple of gelatin free marshmallows on the wretched old willy puller - I won't be getting hassle from that cunt next mass.

New Choirboys wanted

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No Previous Cum Drinking Experience necessary - as full training will be given.

If you have ever fancied being a portable semen carried for church goers then consider applying for the above position. Bonuses are available for Deep Throating and Group Ejaculations. This is an excellent opportunity to get closer to God (albeit in seed form).

Previous entries are welcome to reapply, but are reminded to wear plastic bibs over their interview clothes to collect any spilt "filthy white love piss".

New Piano Player Needed Urgently

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We are looking for an obese, tone deaf, mentally unsound nymphomaniac to join our church to play the piano and participate in orgies of group sex and other deprived acts of sodomy, spitters considered as well as swallowers - gurglers need not apply.

Trainee Nuns Desperately Wanted for solo sex / photographing / gangbangs / anything rude

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In a world predominantly ran by men we are looking for some females to even up the numbers, only sex crazed, bi-virgins need apply. NOTE : This position will involve being the Vicarage bike - day in day out - interviewees will be anally tested for retention - so please bring a clean flannel (unless you want an arse full of JIZM).

May God not be with you.

Rest in Pieces.

If you seek purity - drink ethanol.

Relax at the next Sinday Service with some God-Loving music :-

http://loudcity.com/stations/death-fm/files/show/index.htm

Brother 'Quick Wank' Bastardson

7th May 2010

Burn All the Fuckers

Estranged nuns have been keeping wank-perverted vicars and priests in underground catacombs; where they are kept as slaves. Many of these slaves are wanked repeatedly each day in order to make face cream for the nuns; although it is estimated that most men can undergo 5 wanks a day (including semenal outgoings) for a period of 3-4 months - after this time their cocks go limb and their spunk does not contain the properties the nuns need for their skin cream.

It has been reported that last week over 250 vicars and priests who had been 'expelled' from their catacomb due to being tossed-dry; their expulsion was not straight forward and as a result of abrupt manipulation processes all the vicars and priests were consequently killed with petrol bombs and explosive TNT charges by an out of control trainee vicar; who it seems was promised sexual favours if he killed these "stewed sack bags".

Plans have been made to cremate all the 250 vicars and priests in a big hole; however - this plan may not come to fruition due to smoke infringement laws which suggest that the smoke from the burning cadavers could act as a hindrance where close sailing boats are present at night.

A Protester from Clacton-On-Sea said burning holymen was a sin - he was then beheaded, neckfucked and thrown in the sea - and good riddance to the cunt.

GOD WILL FUCK YOU LIKE A PIG IF YOU LISTEN TO DEATH METAL - BRING IT ON "BEARDIE WEIRDIE"

Any sites that oppose religious mumbo-jumbo get my thumbs up, and will be listed here.

http://christiancorpse.blogspot.com/

Hell on Earth

For years many dumbfucks (aka Christians) have been fearing the day when the heavens will crack open to KILL and ERADICATE us all. - I wish this would have happened years ago; as maybe the world would be a calmer place now

And is it any wander all humankind is fucked and condemned with their repugnant, "Shitty-Arsed" attitude.

The reason the world is coming to an end is because :-

1) The planet is on a collision with the sun (HAHA - FUCK YOU ALL)

2) Humans are FUCKING LAZY BASTARDS whose good intentions seldom

stretch the length of their own back yards.

3) God is FED UP TO THE BACK TEETH of PISSANT LITTLE CREATURES praying

for forgiveness - instead of accepting the negativity of life.

4) Air travel and Road Travel TOTALLY FUCK up the Earth; an in respect

people queue up for miles after mile with their engines running.

People's laziness is proven by :

The fact the fuckers drive everywhere (including the gym to work out as well as to work.)

The fact the fuckers smoke cigarettes, rollies and spliffs (as a way to relax!) {DUH, what about the speed you heart increases to}

The fact we let those religious penis munching necrophiliacs smear OUR faces with THEIR own downtrodden mismatches of truth on a regular basis.

........................MORE TO FOLLOW......................

...and for this excessive laziness THE HUMANS SHALL PAY; with the landmasses of their world sinking under massive duress

The Paradox of the Unorthodox

Hail the sinners, as they do not fear the unknown.

Sacrifice the followers, as they condemn us from heaven's thrones.

Ignore the speakers; of those who suggest they know.

Fail to attend church every morning; the same boring old show.

Throw your seed in the faces of those who chastise

Force bibles and dictionaries into people throats who spout lies

Burn on the cross again those who adore the icon I despise

Take life, Give life = accept the lows with the highs.

Never again whisper to the master in the sky

For your words mean nothing to him

People are backward for even attempting to try

People who without support would slowly die.

If you want your prayers answered ask yourself for strength

Put your belief in something you can see; namely yourself

God means "Guidance on Demand"

God means "Gullible obnoxious1 Dickhead"

God means "General of Defense"

...........God is whatever or whoever you want him to be; but don't go around thinking he gives a fuck about you or me.

..........We are Gods in our own rights, some of us do not realise this and are happy for others to make decisions for us........... Living like this is fine for some; but it sure as hell ain't right for me.

I know the Devil, I know God - for I know myself.

None of the words we use to communicate with each other in this world, no matter their language, bear any resemblance nor prosperity nor understanding nor any closeness to that which we cannot see or understand.

If people want to follow 'in God's footsteps" until they die that is their choice; but I will make my own pathway in life; if I place a foot or two wrong along the way that is fine......... Erring from the path of so called righteousness is allowable; I been into Satanic music for years, hex coded more situations than I care to remember - and I am still here .....

SINNING THE END.

!!! Give me your support; not that I need it !!!

!!! Show the world you are not a cardboard cut-out !!!

!!! Spit in the face of your opposition without fear of reprise !!!

!!! Take no prisoners as the fuckers will only die !!!

MAKE DECISIONS FOR YOURSELF

JUSTIFY YOURSELF TO NO-ONE

FIND SELF-DECENCY AND AID OTHERS TO FLEDGE

DON'T JUMP - WAIT - AT LIFE - PIVOTING ON A CLIFF's EDGE.

Please comment, and give your views.

Or if you cannot be bothered to write anything then "GO FUCK YOURSELF"

Vile Vicarage - Screenshots

Publish Post

WELCOME TO HELL

You have found the world's most Anti-Christ game in existence.

More to follow...........

Email the Vile Vicar @ :- Vile-Vicar@excite.com