Employment Opportunities - Nov 2011

Due to continued expansion we require the following staff to work in our Vicarage:-

Drug Supplier/Administrator

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Successful applicants will possess a Degree in Fatal Drug Formulation. A full passport is essential as job will entail transporting drugs illegally over various continents. No previous drug taking is required but a former addiction to class 'A' drugs is preferred (preferably smack or crack). Job will require an immoral, deaf to needs, psyochopatic, sadistic perspective due to high levels of insanity rife within the vicarage dungeons.

Bed-Time Prayer Orallist

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Duties will include sucking cocks primarily, during 'Night Night Jesus' Prayer time. Cum Swilling, and banqueting skills are essential skills and job holders will have to sign a 'no spitting, only swallowing' policy; due to new carpets in the Upper West Wing.

Breast Massager

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To make people feel more at home during mass we will be looking to employ several staff to arouse female congregation members by means of tickling, nibbling and possibly biting. Applicants are advised that most of the congregation are over 80 years of age.

Cheap Masseur Enlister

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Will involve driving around looking for desperate looking people who look like they would do sexually depriving acts for the price of a packet of crisps - effectively kerb crawling.

High Altitude Ejaculation Expert

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Due to the high amount of vicars falling from floorless belfry's (whilst still shagging) we are looking for a qualified person of above criteria. Job will involve teaching good & safe oral/anal sex practices whilst high up.

Please dial 1-500-SATAN for further details

Exasperation continues to linger as more structural integrity expands

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The Vicarage, a dark, fucked up place where the twisted becomes the normal and the 666 666 666 666 666 666 666 666 666
normal becomes an outgrown seed of the Earth; never to be encapsulated in the 666 666 666 666 666 666 666 666 666
nurturing soils of external evolution.... due to its size being that of a small 666 666 666 666 666 666 666 666 666
county....
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I am indeed speaking metaphorically, whilst implying metaphysically, that this 666 666 666 666 666 666 666 666 666
demonic game in progress (and months past its 6th June @ 6pm 2011 release date) is 666 666 666 666 666 666 666 666 666
still forming like the acrid, foul, pungent seeping fungi around the inner top rim of 666 666 666 666 666 666 666 666 666
a piss basin.......... multiplying scores of venemous spores to create something 666 666 666 666 666 666 666 666 666
far, far bigger than any of them - is how I feel when creating the Vicarage.
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But does that un-inspire me? Does it fuck.... There has been and will continue to 666 666 666 666 666 666 666 666 666
be more waiting for a release of my game, but when it comes it will its players will 666 666 666 666 666 666 666 666 666
feel like that have been slapped in the face by the Lord's evil brother from the 666 666 666 666 666 666 666 666 666
offset.
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During my time @ the vicarage I pleasured myself in adding to its already delightful 666 666 666 666 666 666 666 666 666
interior, I don't mean furniture - I mean tweaks to the game...
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NEW IMPLEMENTATIONS INTO THE GAME :-
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A jukebox featuring all the music in the game
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LOADS of VIDS :- DILDO APPRAISING NUNS & SEX CRAZED VICAR ++
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Music Video Section
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Speaking Characters
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Improved Runtime due to a mass 2-night long re-sampling session ;/
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666 WE CAME FROM DARKNESS 666

666 BY IGNORING IT WE ALSO 666

666 IGNORE PART OF OURSELF 666

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Taste the Vileness of the Vicarage

http://www.qfpost.com/download.do?get=8bc7ea66b46011d066243b9954dda408

CLOSE ALL SHOPS ON THE SABBATH - AS PRAYER LEVELS ARE LOW

NEW JUST IN --- CHANNEL 666 EXCLUSIVE

Christian leaders today confirmed civil war. Mass armies of 'bible throwers' & 'cross chuckers' are expected to unleash torrents of burning bibles through windows of churches and shop windows (with any luck).

Last night saw a surge in the PPP forces (Pissed Priest Protestors) outside Asdi, Tesgogh & Saintburys in Great Yarmouth; their numbers are expected to rise considerably as public awareness of this incident take hold among society. Shoppers are advised to stay away from any PPP zones as enrolment figures are low and 'Baptism with water pistol techniques' are converting otherwise Atheists, amongst others, into 'Apostle Adoring Arseholes'.

Thousands of bibles littered the checkout areas of Asda due to being thrown through windows of a 24 hour Asda that was open on Sunday. PPP banners displayed offensive slogans such as "Working Sunday Condemns your soul to HELL", "Sundays are for WANKING - not WORKING", "God will not forgive you for working Sundays - and neither will I you CUNTS."

Our 2nd set (1st set were converted) of reporters sent us live video feeds of part-time workers being levitated into balls of ceiling height fire zones, trolley supervisors being chased with trolleys (weird sight that...!) and slices of hacked up meat in the poultry section being given life back - making them move by appearing as if being electrocuted (fucked up being chased by sausages with Boa Constrictor tendencies or slippery 'tripping up tripe'.

As I speak now at least a dozen people are undergoing a strange metamorphosis; it is like they are being woven into a single creature. Fuck this I'm outta here......!!!

The military are on the way now - OOH - in fact they are here now. - and as expected they are in attack formation, and that is the first incendiary device; a napalm bomb straight through the main doorway. And another.... And another... And another.

Costing in excess of 5 million smackeroonies we posed the question to the Military as to why such excessive force was necessary. In short a well decorated man told me in short to have 'a splutter in the corner' - or in other words he told me to 'far cough'. Being Newscasters from Luton we were inclinded to batter this General's medallions into his thick, shrapnel filled skull; but his mates were packing oozies, tanks, etc so we all got on a bus to Round Green went home, watched the footage and got stoned...!

This is Alfred Von Wolfenstein for Channel 666 - signing off, now we bring you the new Steven Seagal film 'Signs of Praise' in which this bloated brawler smacks around hundreds of aikido trained vicars and chop suey expert martial artists who spend their entire days headbutting studded, iron clad bibles in an attempt to absort the spiritual essence contained within in the bible, not just its tiresome words. - Trouble is the bibles were traced back to a batch load sold from Jarrolds; so they contain as much spirituality as a tramps piss stained pants; this pisses Seagal off and he rampages through bookshops meticulously comprimising any potential 'spiritualess' people. Samuel L. Jocksout plays Jesus Christ in a cut scene, where he is 'bonging away' on a crack pipe; until the crack pipe ends up being crammed into his cranium; great effects........... so stay tuned....!

Brutal Massacre of Infected Monks and Vicars

I HAD NO CHOICE. GOD TOLD ME TO DO IT...... I never wanted to be God's killing slave. ....But after being trapped in underground catacombs for weeks on end, with nothing to eat apart from bell-end cheese, bugs and vicar corpses I had too!!! The whole experience totally frenzified me, my brain teetering on the point of self-cannibalism as I tried to maintain my sanity (all 0.05% of it).

Oh, and I forgot to mention all the other fucked up freaks locked up with me down there - monsters, demons and bigger than elephant sized priests. Naturally I had to kill most of the to get free. It was literally them or me.

Getting back into the church was pretty mad. I came up through a trapdoor, to see a sexy clothed stripper table dancing. That was rather pleasurable, however, the group of filthy monks all stood around doing the "M25 Handshake" (namely they were all tossing off the person stood next to them....), well - I won't forget that in a hurry.

For a moment I considered going back into the catacombs. It was too fucking late though, their daisy chain of sorts had shorted out and erect members became flaccid.

Instantly I had a flurry of disgusting, semi erect religion pervs after me. I had to run fast whilst keeping my butt cheeks clenched tighter than they had ever been (through fear, not choice).

My sphincter nearly got caught up on my tonsils as I plunged over a wall, into a pile of fucking stinging nettles.

I did not consider looking back initially, my brain was already tarnished enough my all that "Hand Poultry", but no.... eventually when I thought I had a fair enough advantage I looked back. What I saw next was disturbing.

It was as if the absconding saviour seekers were actually getting off by having stinging nettles rubbed on their goolies .

Not one of them came after me. Maybe they were not allowed to leave the vicarage due to one of Brother Bastardson's dumb rules.

........Anyway.... no one can run away forever, well not that easily !!!

I didn't...!

Soon, again I was incarcerated by the villainous vicars and this time there were thousands of them. All throwing their petty little crosses at me, trying to convert me into being a incompatible format by my standards.

Did the fuckers convert me.......................?
Did they fuck.........................!

Will they convert you.... ...that is the question.

Currently I am making a playable reconstruction aptly entitled "Demon Driven Discountenance" or "DDD"(namely Sub-Game 1 of the full game "Vile Vicarage" - release date is this year @ 6pm on 6th June.)

Promo DDD release date is soon....... link will be posted here soon ...>